Sann-ee’s way

Okay, here’s the case. I’ve a BF. And, no, it’s not him.

My boyfriend is lovely. He’s so shy and cute, and he really cares for me.

I don’t love him yet, tho. I like him alot.

But it’s supposed to be like that right? Love grows like a tree, starting with a tiny seed.

I’m trying to get over that guy, but of course, love is a high mountain to surpass.

I thought everything was just fine, until I met him in the sidewalk in the midst of making out with my bf.

My feelings awoke when I heard his voice, and saw his face and I felt so confused. So I said to my self that things needs to be straightened out if I wanna move on. So I set up a meeting with him. I wanted to hear those words coming from his mouth, to be sure. I told him the whole story, and I got exactly what I wanted.

“I’m sorry I don’t like you that way.”

Did I think I would be fine after hearing that? Tsch.

We parted, and I walked away, proud. It took me months to build that courage.

But then I bursted. I’ve never cried so much for the sake of love, ever. Okay maybe one other time but that was different.

That’s how it feels, being rejected by the one you love with your whole heart and soul.

I don’t want to break up with my boyfriend just because I can’t get him outta my head.

Or can I?

–

While I’m at it, I might just mention that my dad’s in the hospital, again.

He drank his head out. His sober periods are starting to vanish completely.. I fear something really bad will happen soon. I’ve done everything I can, but I see no hope. I feel he gave up long time ago.

To make me feel even more down, I’ve a cold and a fever. And I lied to mom.

She went down south with Peter to visit some relatives, so me and Emma (my best friend, who’s been staying here for a month now.. due to her situation at home..well that’s another story) are left alone for four days. Mom really trusts me not to do anything against her will during this time, but still, I let my boyfriend and his friend stay over this night. She will be so disappointed if she finds out..

A bright side of this story is that Emma and the other who stayed over seemed to have really connected. She really likes him alot :).

So there’s the long awaited update. *cough*.

Was the happiest and saddest day of my life.

He told me I look nice today - and then we hugged. It was just as I had imagined - soft and warm. Best moment of my entire life.

I sensed this was the last time I was ever going to see him.  And I hate myself for not daring to ask him out.